Here is Chapter 9:
Chapter 9
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1 comment:
I like this chapter also though I wonder if more dialogue between your characters might suffice here? I think I understand that there is some sense of awe and shock that has transpired among the group and that they are sitting next to 5-6 crispy charred bodies of people they know. Knowing what I think know about teenagers, they have a tendency to become a bit nutty when faced with stress. Now, I get the fact that many are medicated in some manner and also that this may not be such a new and unique experience in this world, but it is surprising that you don’t have your one person from the group who sort of “wigs out’ in these type of situations. While it may be a trite literary device, it still can serve to flesh out (figuratively not literally) your characters and their strengths/weaknesses, but also provide you—as a writer—to take a breath from the descriptiveness and let the characters carry some of the load.
I know ( I think) that in most genres of writing, you want your characters to carry the narrative for you so you need not work so hard to get your story out there. It feels to me like you are working pretty hard right now to find the right word, phrase, etc… let Jack and his buddies pull the boat for awhile and save some of your fancy adjectives, witty turns of phrase, and the like for later on in your novel. In other words, save some bullets for when you really need them.
Final thought: keep the worlds you have begun to create in mind as you move forward to not only remain consistent but also because this new world(s) you have created are characters in and of themselves. So treat them carefully also and never ignore it. I think that is what I found so powerful at the beginning of your work—this new world that was familiar yet totally different. Just when I thought it became clear and comfortable, you pulled iit out from under me. Just a thought
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