This better be the only day with a double heaping helping of love from yours truly.
Here is Chapter 3+4:
Chapter 3+4
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Its a chaotic television channel. You can expect it to be updated. It may be updated at any second. If you would like to be the on the cutting edge of the programming here, then just keep clicking refresh or pressing F5 and you will never miss anything.
1 comment:
Well, for one, you misspelled Jaegermeister--which to a company that spends millions/year in advertising must be disappointing--but this points to something bigger in your work. You are putting out a tremendous amount of words per day, but I still believe you can add more specific details. Just one example that may be carried over through your work: On page 10, you speak about "a shield with a whip protruding from it" Now, I think is a great time to be reallydescriptive since it is my belief--as a reader--that shields and whips and other devices like pommels might become part of the story later on. Even if I am wrong ,describing a shield with a whip will give me some more evidence of the world that I will be entering and is a great way to describe the uniqueness of this world and accomplishing it in a less "obvious" fashion. I guess my point is that you are throwing out a lot of stuff and greater exploration of these mundane-sounding items would really lend itself to a more impressive narration and description of this world(s).
That being said, when you do describe, try to give some rhythm to your details. There are times when it is one long, convoluted sentence after another and then a short one to end the paragraph. Yes, this is not always the case, but try to give each sentence, paragraph, chapter, and novel a greater sense of rhythm by mixing up your literary tools. I can't really tell you how to do that--I am only a social studies teacher by way of the playing fields--but I do know that when you demonstrated some differentiation in your writing style, it kept me engaged.
Final point: conversations between your characters. here you need to be consistent with your character's tones, cadences, etc..., at least, early on, so we can get some clues
as to who these people are and what they may be about. Just keep that in mind as you move forward that each character--like a video game--has to be given some set personality. It can change--hopefully it does--but we want to see it change because of what is happening in their lives...
gotta run, but keep up the good work
mr. s.
Post a Comment