If you didn't get a chance, I am sure there will be another opportunity down the road.
Here is Chapter 14:
Chapter 14
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1 comment:
Max, I am going to write an extra-long response to Chapter 13 and 14 in this blog entry.
Ch. 13: I would do away with the "a)" and "b?" thing since I think you can write this out in much more literary fashion that makes sense in the scene. It seems a bit too perfunctory for the time, place, and manner of this scene and the maturity in your writing thus far.
Also, Jack seems to all of a sudden become a chatterbox; I think in his brief dialogue with the doctors--which you do address in the chapter--he speaks more often and for longer sentences that he has in the past. Is this consistent with his character? Why so trusting of others? of authority figures? Seems a bit out of line withe kid who has more trouble understanding himself than the world around him. This ties in with what you really want Jack to become in your story. Your call but keep him consistent.
As for the to and fro with the doctors, and, I think, more importantly, the beginning something with Jack and Sarah, how about a little more? Sarah touches Jack's hand--nothing to report there? Does he feel something? Does she? What is going on in their minds behind their words? I thought this conversation could have been either longer or more in-depth, before you get to the "side effects is you" thing. That was a nice ending though, but perhaps some more verbal jousting between the four in terms of gathering info. would be engaging
Ch. 14
I like this chapter, but I admit I got a bit lost here. You are really asking a lot of the reader to recall some past information that was passed along awhile back .this, again, could be my old age, but I think you can make clearer links--without being obvious--by suing the conversation of the characters to fill in these blanks. Perhaps one of your doctors is really out of the loop, and by Sarah explaining the ins and out of the handkerchief, et.al., the slow reader can also start connecting or reconnecting the dots through that explanation. It may be that you are not ready for that yet, but I think you jump very quickly to this cave stuff without exploring more of the why is Jack the symptom thing; yes, they are part of the same conversation, but you can buildup to these other revelatory features of your writing in time. Patience in your writing may pay off here so I urge you to not rush things in your plot for the sake of the reader of your own writing style.
Overall, though, it was a good set of chapters since they end in these mini-cliffhangers that make me want to move forward now. Problem is, every chapter can't be like that so you need to come up with a way of working your chapters so they leave the reader hungry but without always having to create some tension; otherwise, it may feel artificial Adieu
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