Nonetheless...
Here is Chapter 8:
Chapter 8
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Chapter 8
Some guy jumped in front of a train at the Scarsdale Train Station last night. I was on Track-105-that-left-9:25-from-Grand-Central-train-that-made-all-the-stops back from the city when a friend of mine called and said that the train was stopped for... something. I wound up hanging out in the 7/11 parking lot just watching the police looking at the scene of the... I-don't-what-to-call-it.
Nonetheless...
Nonetheless...
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Cool stuff, though I think the reference to the Geneva Conventions might be a bit too much here. It seems like this world or worlds you have created have gone way beyond the limits of the Geneva Conventions. It could be that knowing you pretty well, it is just the Maxian way of getting in his two-cents without being overtly political. Nevertheless, I don’t know if this limits you to some standards of morality that your world(s) may suffer under as you move forward in your novel.
I do think your decision to have Jack take a couple of minute break during this whole hectic sequence is a mistake. You say something like after a couple of minutes, Jack…and I think this chapter works best with the sort of hectic speed and unpredictability that you established from the get go. Even if Jack rests, what else is going on during this time period? Need to keep the pace here since you had me until I see the “protagonist take a bit of a respite. Then, I, as the reader, begin to lose that feeling of urgency and sort of lose that feeling of “what’s going to happen next?”. I mean if Jack is not too worried, then I guess it’s not too big a deal.. And why is Jack taking some time to check out here? Andi is frantic. The other two friends are babbling and crying. They just crashed into something. Is this how Jack is going to be for the test of the book? The chilled protagonist? When there is a crisis, Jack takes a couple of minutes to chill out and reflect on life and his situation. Your call, but if you choose to have him do that, need to fill in his moments when he steps back wither with his inner thoughts, or the thoughts and actions of those around him. To return back, a couple of minutes later, without much explanation is, in my opinion, not something you want to make a habit of doing. That being said, you had me riveted
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