Saturday, June 14, 2008

Chapter 21

The more things change, the more I hands keep bleeding and the arthritis and carpal tunnel inflame.

Here is Chapter 20:

Chapter 21
Posted by at

1 comment:

semi56 said...

I would avoid starting this chapter in your book with a time-worn cliche--i.e."everything turned upside down." In fact, avoid the cliches altogether. You have a massive vocabulary and you can twist and turn a phrase and/or a clause like few others your age, so take the time to think about what you want to express. Not everything has to be a "home run" or tongue-in-cheek, or ironic. Pick and choose your literary battles along the way here and I am sure that it will all come together.

I like your description of this chaotic, self-destructive society, though I believe you could go even deeper here perhaps by painting a picture from big to small or small to big. This type of zooming in and/or out would really make this chapter sing. For example, you could start in a room with an object and gradually open up your reader's gaze to the wider world...or you can do it the opposite fashion going from larger context swooping in to the denizens of this dangerous world. I see some of it but think it could be tighter

June 17, 2008 at 1:19 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)