For now,
A chapter.
Here is Chapter 20:
Chapter 20
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- This Is What Will Happen In The Next Few Months
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1 comment:
Chapter 20:
"And, oh, how right they would be"--seems like you might be giving away too much rather than through the thoughts of your character or the arc of the plot line. There have been other examples of this through your work. The narrator foreshadows what is going to occur in the near future. I think this takes away some of the fun of th entire ride. Yes, I have read other authors who use this type of device, but I think it is a bit awkward. The characters themselves should be--and are--sensing doom here so why can't we just feel this impending fate through them. I think it takes aways from all the great work you have done since, I, as the reader, now expect you will tell me when something "big" is going to happen. And if you don't, it seems a bit inconsistent. I think you lose the reader's trust in both instances. It may be more difficult to do and may take much more time and effort, but it will improve the story immensely.
On a side note, why are these two so trusting of this "being?" I still don't get it. Do they have no choice? I get that this will bring them perhaps to some greater level of understanding or higher plane, but it seems their dread would overwhelm their curiosity and there would be some resistance
Finally, in terms of what is behind the doors and then the subsequent flight, it all happens too fast. I think perhaps this chapter ends with them about to enter the room--suspense?--, and then one more chapter handles the flight and their deaths. Seems a bit rushed
Poem:
The poem is intriguing though I am a novice when it comes to this literary form. So, I will be brief. I like the ideas of epilogues--as I previously mentioned--but make sure they are serving your ideas with some purpose. Do not just do it because it is some cool device. Make sure it moves your story and your reader. As an aside, I googled "Coranne" but really did not let me get a better read on things. I await the next section
ms
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