Here is Chapter 5+6:
Chapter 5+6
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1 comment:
First thought: when you put things in quotes like "moat" and "head", it makes the reader first place. Generally speaking, it might be really want to know why you use these terms in the first place. You re a novelist and, as one, it is your responsibility to explain why this "moat" is not really a "moat" or this "head" is not really a "head." I think this will afford you an opportunity to really stretch your descriptiveness into areas of perhaps uncomfortability.
I enjoyed the connections being made with your main characters and Happenstance--the trials and tribulations if suburban youth--and I think you can go deeper here. This probably rings truest to you and so, in writing what you know, this could be a strong section of your novel. My guess is that their frustration at their plight will propel them outward and the adventures will really begin. Just make sure the reader really feels the frustration, emptiness, wanting, that can be inside young people under these circumstances. It is real to you, was real to me, but for many we need reminding.
Keep up the good work, check some vocabulary, and we go from there
mr. s.
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